I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
