hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
