guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
