Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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