also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
