Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Found your dick twin last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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