Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
