I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize