i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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