there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The feeling are messing with the penis
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am one with the molecules
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
