Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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