Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
