You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
