I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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