you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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