I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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