the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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