I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
