I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
