i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
