my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
