the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
