after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
