I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
