Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
