First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
