Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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