when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize