it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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