i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
