My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
