it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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