he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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