We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
