and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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