Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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