i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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