is your mom at the bar?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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