i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
50% drunk capacity currently
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
