YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize