Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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