do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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