After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
