im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
