I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
