And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
