a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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