New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
