i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
