My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
