you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
