It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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