I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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