Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
