Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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