I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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