Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
