This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize