They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
