Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
