I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
