Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
