I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
