making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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