OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
