in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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