dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
