i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
