just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
