did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
